Some days, you should just give up and go home.
Like when trying to grocery shop for a camping trip with a wound-up toddler.
It’s just that I had lots of non-grocery items I needed to get and the local supermarket is SO expensive and would be unlikely to have everything on my list.
But I should have known. I should.have.known.
Word to the wise, folks… If at the grocery store your toddler:
– Refuses to sit in the cart and insists on walking… don’t even try it. Just go home.
– Shrieks and cries as if telling her that she must stay in the cart inflicts pain on her chubby little frame… just calmly park your cart and exit the building. Make sure to smile apologetically on the way out to reassure the.entire.store that no abuse has taken place here.
– Complains of being hungry… remember it’s only going to get worse for both of you as you load your cart with food she can’t eat.
– Loses a shoe that’s seemingly untraceable… count your losses and just go home.
– Empties half a bottle of bug-repelling lotion into her lap. And onto the groceries. And the wallet you let her hold… serenely approach the cart-wipes in the front of the store and bathe your toddler and your groceries. And just go home.
And then when you finally do give up and go home, make sure you’re not rushing.
Or you might get pulled over for going 54 in a 35 whilst taking an unfamiliar road home due to construction. And then your toddler might see the flashing blue and red lights behind you and not stop talking about them.
I think the trauma of this trip was written all over my face, because the merciful cop let me off with a warning.
That or the fumes of citronella wafting from our vehicle lulled him into a state of leniency.
(Disclaimer: 99% of the time, she is a hilarious, chatty sweetheart!)