On this, the eve of our Adoption Approval, I pause to consider the threshold before us.

In a matter of hours we will become “Paper Pregnant” — meaning we can now be chosen by a birth-mom. Any day, we could have another head to snuggle under our chin. Another cooing giggler, eyes lit up with wonder at our silly baby-entertaining antics. Another tiny hand wrapped tightly around our fingers.

The days have been rushed. I can hardly count how many lists I have going, much less how many to-do’s are on each list. I  run this way and that, forgetting my purpose for all my urgent steps. I snack here and there throughout the day, hoping mostly to motivate myself to keep going. Good-gracious, just this afternoon I did the potty-dance into the house, toddler on my hip, bag over my arm, shoes in my hands, and phone in my pocket.

Oooo, Elise, babe, I’ve GOT to put you down. Mama’s gotta GO! 

Yet I kept her in tow as I descended to the basement to free Rylie from her crate.

“Nooo!” she protested. But I pulled out her new toy stroller (with the buckle she loves to play with. Of course.)

Finally entertained, I left her and polka-ed to the potty, only to hear a voice from my pocket, “Hello?”  

Mortified, I answered my phone.

Why did I answer???

“Do you feel better yet?” teased the voice. It was my friend Rachael. Giggles ensued as I requested a swift end to our conversation so I could pee in peace.

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Peace.

Funny how a baby can create the most anxiety-inducing, heart-breaking fits of crying, and yet moments later melt into the sweetest, warmest, softest bundle of peace laying limply on your chest. Who knew it could be so comforting to be-so-comforting? To pause and just be still, in awe of such indescribable love.

I look out at the beautiful surroundings of our home. Never-mind the tree stumps and patchy grass. Tonight it’s the most peaceful place on earth. Home is waiting for you, sweet little one. We can’t wait for your giggles and snuggles and mischief to adorn our household with love.